Fund Accuracy
Current precision: ±400%. Target: ±399%. Help us get closer.
Every dollar goes toward narrowing the gap between our estimate and reality. Not through observation (still illegal). Through the only proven method: keeping the site online so someone smarter emails us with better data.
Current precision: ±400%. Target precision: ±399%. Your $5 gets us 1% closer to the truth. Probably. We haven't verified that claim either.
Annual operating costs: $12 (domain). All surplus funds are allocated to the Precision Improvement Reserve, which is a fancy name for "coffee that helps us think about whether 3 times/day is correct."
47 people have funded accuracy so far
Last donation: 3 days ago
Funding Progress
$12.00/year (domain name)
Goal: $12/year — Current funding: $40.80 (340%)
Budget overflow detected. Surplus allocated to the Emergency Coffee Reserve.
Donation Tiers
$100Board Member
You are hereby appointed to the Advisory Board of the ScratchStats.fun Research Division. This board has no meetings, no responsibilities, no authority, and no other members. Your title is real. Your influence is not. But the feeling? The feeling is priceless.
✓ "Board Member" title ✓ Certificate of Appointment (PDF) ✓ Listed on About page as "Advisory Board" (if you dare)
Only 11 Board seats remain. (We made this number up, but it sounds urgent.)
$50Sponsor a Second
Your name (or alias) appears in rotation on the live counter page: "This second of monitoring brought to you by [Your Name]." Visible to every visitor for one glorious second. Then it's someone else's turn. Fame is fleeting. Statistics are forever.
✓ Name in live sponsor rotation ✓ Screenshot notification when your second occurs ✓ Bragging rights
86,400 seconds in a day. Yours could be any of them.
$25Name a Session
At 14:32 UTC, a man in Bangalore scratched. That was Session #847,291,043. It is now yours. We cannot tell you his name, but we can tell you his time zone, and that it lasted about 5 seconds. You own those 5 seconds. Forever.
✓ Unique session ID ✓ Timestamp and estimated region ✓ Certificate of Session Ownership (PDF)
Most Popular
$12Double the Budget
You have just doubled the entire annual budget of this project. You are now, by definition, the single largest investor in real-time scrotal statistics. Congratulations. Board seat not included, because there is no board.
✓ Everything above ✓ Largest Investor status (unverifiable) ✓ The right to say "I funded this" at parties
Team's Pick
$5Certificate of Awareness
Receive a PDF certificate suitable for framing, stating: "The bearer of this document has acknowledged the scale of the global scratching phenomenon." Signed by the Research Division.
✓ Downloadable PDF certificate ✓ Suitable for office wall, refrigerator, or LinkedIn background
$3Keep the Lights On
Funds 91 days of continuous monitoring. (The monitoring does not exist, but the counter works — and the counter is all that matters.)
✓ Everything in Awareness ✓ The warm feeling of keeping a $12 project alive for a quarter
$1Awareness
You now know that over 400,000 men are scratching their balls at this very second. This knowledge cannot be unlearned. Your dollar acknowledges the weight of this truth.
✓ Our silent gratitude ✓ Your name will NOT appear anywhere on this site
What Our Donors Say
I donated $12 and became the largest investor. My portfolio has never been more diversified.
— Anonymous, Zurich
I bought my wife a Session for Valentine's Day. She has not spoken to me since. Worth every cent.
— D.K., Melbourne
The Certificate of Awareness hangs in my office between my MBA and my CFA. It gets more questions than both.
— Anonymous, somewhere in finance
As a Board Member, I finally have a title that accurately reflects my contribution to society.
— R.M., Board Member since 2026
Not ready to donate? Subscribe to the Annual Scratching Report. We'll email you once a year with updated statistics and the same request for $12.
This second of monitoring brought to you by
Financial Transparency
Domain (scratchstats.fun) .............. $12.00
Hosting (static, Cloudflare/GitHub) .... $0.00
CDN (Cloudflare free tier) ............. $0.00
SSL certificate ........................ $0.00
D3.js license .......................... $0.00 (open source)
Google Fonts ........................... $0.00
Salaries ............................... $0.00
Office rent ............................ $0.00
Ball monitoring equipment .............. $0.00
Legal department ....................... $0.00 (no department)
Marketing budget ....................... $0.00
——————————————————————————————
TOTAL: $12.00/year
We publish this because we believe in radical financial transparency. Also because $12 is the funniest possible budget for a website with 2.6 billion data points.
Fund FAQ
Where does my money actually go?
$12/year covers the domain name. Everything beyond that covers coffee, occasional infrastructure experiments, and the existential cost of maintaining a website about ball scratching.
Is this tax-deductible?
No. This is not a registered charity, research institution, or entity of any kind. This is a website with a counter. If your accountant asks, you donated to "statistical awareness."
What happens if you raise too much money?
The progress bar overflows. We buy more coffee. The counter continues to tick. Perhaps we add a 9th language. Perhaps a 10th. At some point, we may need to hire someone whose job title is "Director of Not Scratching."
Will you add ads if donations aren't enough?
No. The site costs $12/year. If we cannot raise $12/year from a planet of 8 billion people, the project deserves to die. And it won't, because you're reading this, which means you're about to donate. The psychology is inescapable.
Can I donate anonymously?
Yes. In fact, we recommend it. Explaining to your bank why you donated to scratchstats.fun is a conversation best avoided.
I donated $100. Where's my board meeting?
The Advisory Board meets annually, in silence, across multiple time zones, without agenda or minutes. You have already attended your first meeting. Congratulations on your perfect attendance.
Spread the Word
I just donated to scratchstats.fun — a website that counts how many men are scratching their balls right now. The annual budget is $12. I am now their largest investor. You're welcome.
ScratchStats.fun is not a registered charity, nonprofit, research institution, or entity of any legal standing. Donations are voluntary, non-refundable (morally), and do not entitle the donor to any goods, services, board seats, or insider information about scrotal statistics. The "Advisory Board" does not convene. The "Certificate of Awareness" is not recognized by any accrediting body. By donating, you acknowledge that you did this willingly, with full awareness of what this website is about.
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